The urge of creating music goes in waves for me. It flows in alignment with how my life is flowing in general. When a lot is happening, and we go through hurricanes of emotions, I’m likely to write many songs in a short period of time. Usually pretty irrational and crazy, but more importantly they come straight from my heart… Here’s us sharing some pretty personal stuff.
Being in a relationship and writing honest music can sometimes be a tricky balance. Lauren knows I write from the heart, and just as with anything in life, our relationship goes in waves. Pink dreamy shimmers one day, and stormy angry clouds the next. Truth is that it can sometimes be pretty hurtful for a significant other to hear sad or dark lyrics, at least when they are honest and real.
Lauren and I have had a lot of conversations about this. To us, the key seems to be open communication about whatever subject I’m writing about before, I play her a song on the subject. She needs to know that she is my first priority and therefore she’ll always be the first to know of any feelings I might be carrying.
Let’s say that I had issues with a girl Lauren was developing a close friendship with, and I kept the fear and discomfort to myself. I would feel the urge of writing a song about it to digest my feelings. If I later presented a track with lyrics of feeling fear, left out and sadness, chances are big that she’d feel betrayed, hurt and unpleasantly surprised.
Now, let’s say that in the same scenario, I would take care of all my emotions by putting words and melodies to them, while still keeping the song to myself. Because you know the old saying; we have to first take care of ourselves to be able to take care of others. My next step would be the conversation with Lauren. I would express my feelings and also let her know that a way of coping with them for me, was to write a song about it. When we both have heard each other’s perspectives, I could play the song to her safely, knowing she won’t be alarmed. Chances are here, that instead of creating cracks and distrust between us, she will better understand how this situation has effected me. Therefore she’s able to provide the kind of support and reassurance I’m needing at this point. When we have overcome that situation, we can still keep playing the song, enjoying singing it as a reminder of how strong our love is, and how much we both want to see each other’s perspectives.
I’m not sure how other artists deal with this potentially dangerous situation. I do know, however, that most of us creators go through it. Lauren and I have found a way that works for us, and if you find yourself having similar issues with your partner, whether you paint, rap or write poetry, I hope this idea of – conversation first – can help out in tricky situations.